Another Year Down

It’s almost time for our annual #deedsfordaisy. If you’re new here and looking for a quick recap, Deeds for Daisy is annual event held on the birthday of our daughter Daisy Jean Kissack who was born March 2, 2020 with Alobar Holoprosencephaly. My husband, daughter Dalli and I had an hour with her before she quickly left this earth to return to Heaven. Since then we have celebrated her birthday by spreading kindness and good deeds. If you would like a more detailed recap, or perhaps you are here because you are facing something similar….. Scroll all the way down to the bottom and be prepared to read the nitty gritty. As I re-read my blog this year, I almost went through and edited some things (mostly my super vulgar language) but then I remembered all the messages from those who appreciated those raw feelings being expressed in the only way I know how “unfiltered” so, sorry Granny but for now I will leave everything as it was and as I was feeling in that exact moment of time.

I remember March always being something I looked forward to, as its my birthday month and I would tend to celebrate the whole month. When I met my husband I started to have to share, as he is a March baby as well. Now as it approaches, my mind and energy are all centered around making sure I am keeping my babies memory alive, sharing her story, and hopefully helping at least one person. This year is a little more heavy because I had the opportunity to “help” my best friend in one of the worst ways you could ever hope. On November 19, 2022 Hattie Dale Spangle was born at exactly 24 weeks, and after 22 days in the NICU left to be with Jesus on December 11, 2022. I remember each day Hattie was in the NICU, trying to support my friends the best way I knew how. I remember being in awe of the expanse of prayer chains, donations, and awareness Hattie created with her tiny birth. I remember the devastation learning that Hattie was back in Heaven. I spoke in an earlier post about random things would trigger me as a momma of a baby in Heaven and this triggered a familiar feeling of helplessness, confusion, and once again anger. How had I gone from being so naive to barely knowing about loss, to losing a child, to now having someone close to me lose their daughter as well. My biggest trigger was a feeling of disappointment within myself that I wasn’t “healed” by now!!! Why had I not figured out how to feel whole again so that now, in her time of need, I could give my best friend the Cliff Notes version of how to function after you lose a child. The answer is, I still don’t have those answers. If you know me, you have to know how much that kills me.

I like to Google things, I like to research, I like to KNOW. Here’s what I do know; my friend has been so vulnerable and raw in the way she shared and continues to share Hatties story, and while she thinks I was able to help her, in the last few months she helped me in so many ways. I’m still going to echo my previous sentiments “Its OK to not be OK” but to expand upon that is that we never know if someone is OK so let’s be good humans. Let’s remember that nothing in this life is promised and we should love and enjoy each other. On March 2, lets do some extra good deeds and remember Daisy Jean Kissack and maybe that good feeling……. that little jolt……. that warm fuzzy feeling will remind us all we should be good humans all the time.